Friends =P

Recently I got into a ... well I don't know what to call it.. conflict, tiff, time of discontent with a friend with whom I have been very close over the years. It has been a relationship that has been more tumultuous than any other relationship than I have ever been in, but also one that has spanned a time of great change in my life. This person has hurt me more than any other but has also exposed me to some of the great joys in life. While our relationship began in close proximity to one another, there have also been distances between us in the course of our relationship which have not really been a problem. Until recently I referred to this person as my best friend without too much thought.

The most recent episode occurred at the beginning of September as I had been having trouble getting off work to go to New York for finals with Kilties which was a big problem because I had committed to do an I & E performance which was to occur on Friday evening and without time off there was no way I could get there in time. I finally got approval for the day off and thought I should share this news with my best friend. To paraphrase the response I got back: I know this might seem cranky, but as a person who has been trying hard to find a job with no luck for some time I hope you are happy that you were able to pressure your new employer into letting you have the day off even thought they didn't want to. I was really offended by this response. It was as though he was saying I had flawed character to ask for a day off to live up to a previous obligation. I was not happy. The whole ordeal of getting the day off had been very stressful for me and I had been losing sleep. I just couldn't deal with the condemnation at that time. In addition to having no good response. I mean this came from a person who encouraged me to take days off of work not infrequently previously and helped contribute to me not being at work for three consecutive Fridays in May one year!! So I also did not know where this was coming from. So I kinda pushed it aside and didn't deal with it. I got a voice mail that day, I believe, that was silly, and I was angry and hurt and felt it completely inappropriate and it made me more mad so of course I didn't respond. Then there was another voicemail, I believe. Then I got a call that I answered but the connection wasn't made and I didn't call back. So this friend of mine obviously knew I was upset and therefore was angry at me for being a fair weather friend in the situation- says I only wanted agreement and didn't want to hear dissent. It's not like the period of no contact was any longer than other periods of just not being in contact. It is not like it has not been the case that we have both been busy and have just not made contact for several weeks. But obviously there was purpose behind this silence. So finally contact was made and as it turns out the circumstances surrounding me needing the time off was not fully clear so condemnation might have been misplaced, and at the same time my friend had needed me becasue unpleasant, or big or something had happened. Once contact was made we got together for lunch where unpleasant descriptors were used in reference to me. Like that fair-weather friend comment. I was also told I am selfish and that I need to realize that I am not the only person on earth. I think I am pretty aware of that. I still don't know all of what is happening in the life of this person. All I was told was that a bad decision might have been made, I am not sure if this is an objectively bad decision or a decision I would deem bad. I would like to say they would be one and the same but you know in this case getting engaged might be an objectively good decision by other people's judgement but bad by mine. Then there are some other possible things that might have happened that were alluded to, but I just can't imagine that those are the case. Anyway there were statements made about me considering this person a low tier friend while they consider me an upper tier friend. There is no way to explain this relationship to someone else... but suffice it to say that I really treasure this person. We have so much history, so many good times, so many bad times in each of our lives that we have helped each other through, so many changes, moves, wins and losses. And a lot of Mexican food. This person knows more about me than anyone. I feel very bad that I hurt this person and wish that both of us could get better at communicating so that we are able to talk about these difficult decisions, choices, and parts of life without being hurtful to one another.

Now the problem is that we are in limbo. My best friend who knows so much about me and has a great deal of wisdom about life isn't talking to me about life and particularly not their life. Not good. I want to be there for them just like I want to talk about my life with them. There is stuff that I need to talk out but there is no one to talk to. Which has brought me to the realization (again) that it is very hard to find good friends. Especially as we get older there is a great deal of life that one has to meld with another to make a good friendship. And not all friends can act as a good sounding board and problem solver. Right now I absolutely have some yes friends- those who will agree with me pretty much no matter what I say, I have several friends who really would have nothing to say about some of my issues that I am trying to work through, and other friends I can't talk to about stuff because it would not be held in confidence or I couldn't handle the judgement or them knowing what is going on. I guess that last relegates those people to not really being my friends. That is what happens when you move around as much as I have... it is hard to find a few friends to share life with. However I fear that this is a difficulty for many regardless of mobility.

Okay, now I am in a proper mood to eat myself into fat and sugar enduced coma!! Awesome!! Here I come Heart Attacular Spectakular!!

Checking up, trying not to check out

So, it is the ninth month of the year, a year that has actually seen a great deal of action, if I am being objective. I figure this is a good time to look back at my New Year's goals and see how I am doing. This is what they were:

1) Exercise more (3 times a week or more) and lose about 20 pounds so that I comply with the darn BMI for being normal.
2) Be more diligent with my work.
3) Finish my thesis and graduate with my Masters in May.
4) Last year I had a "hospitality" resolution that went okay, but I want to continue with that pursuit.
5) Buy "The Joy of Cooking" and do something with it.
6) For some reason I wanted to start blogging. I do not know why but was able to come up with some reasons for not:
a) I will probably get myself in trouble
b) I will probably offend people
c) I should be working on my thesis instead
d) will I really be able to come up with anything to write about?
but, I guess I will give it a shot and aim to post at least once a week.

1) Really who knows?!! Over the course of the year I have done well and not so well with this goal. Mostly not so good. I think at this point I am exercising three times a week or more. I think in the last few weeks I have lost some weight. For a while, say July and August, I was pretty much eating out more than I was eating in as there was no refrigerator or stove at Eric's. Then I wasn't settled in yet here in Chicago so I wasn't cooking too much. But now I am back on the cooking band wagon so my food is more controlled in terms of portion sizes and nutritional content. My walk to and from the train for work is also helpful as well as the fact that I am walking a great deal at work over the last couple of weeks as a result of the work I am doing which requires me to get work out of a cabinet, work on it at my desk, make a copy, file in it in a file drawer, and the copy machine and file cabinets are not very close to my desk so I estimate I am walking at least two miles a day in the office. I do not, however, think I am close to having lost 20 pounds. As winter approaches, I am going to have to join a gym. I am thinking of the YMCA because there is one a couple stops before I get home that I could stop at on my way home. Other ideas include taking some dance classes as having paid for something, being expected to attend, and being told what to do when there does wonders for getting me there over having paid for a membership and having to be self directed.
2) Ha, I think this is a life goal. I am still working on it. However I am proud to say I have made some good progress over the last two weeks in getting my room in order. The pile of stuff on my desk has been reduced by at least 2/3 and just about anyone can navigate through my room. Now I just need some time and some help to get stuff on the walls. I think what I meant by diligence with my work was more my school work and teaching. I think I did pretty well in making that all happen.
3) DONE! Achieved that one!
4) I think I am doing pretty well with this one. I have had people over several times for dinner since I moved in and will probably continue to do so.
5) DONE! I bought the book and I have been making stuff out of it. Forgot this one was on the list. I should probably do more with it. I made some chicken curry this week that was based on two recipes in the book. I don't really like the format of the recipes and that there are no pictures, but there is a lot of good information in there that I should take better advantage of in the near future.
6) Blogging has not gone so well, on the whole. I have tried my best to stay out of trouble but to speak the truth as I know it. I haven't gotten in much trouble, but I also have done a great deal of censorship, which has several times led to a whole post not getting posted. Sucks. I'll try to do better.

A minimal view of lots happening

Whew!! It has been a long time and a great deal has happened. Soon after my last post I moved out of my apartment in Shorewood while working a temp job at the Milwaukee Center for Independence in the payroll department. Eric, thankfully, was able to watch over the moving process at the end of June, though there were several hitches in the process. Namely a car running into the moving truck and some problems with the storage space I had reserved which led to finally obtaining a larger one further away. The larger size was probably a blessing as most people know I have a lot of stuff. At the end of June I had an interview in Chicago with the Census Bureau for a job with the Census Coverage Measurement department. It was pretty cool going to downtown Chicago and seeing all the hustle and bustle of business people in the midst of rush hour. The interview seemed to go so so as it focused quite a bit on supervisory skills which I only really have in the classroom. I did the best I could, and I guess that was good enough because I got the call on July 13 to start work for them on July 27... a mere 14 days later. So, I gave notice at the temp job and trained my replacement (a whole other story), found a place to live, and made hotel reservations for the first week of work which turned out to be training in Oak Brook, Illinois, site of the permanent Regional Office for the Census.

So now I am living in the area of Chicago known as North Center, living on the third floor with all kinds of locks between the outside and the inside of my apartment, parking on the street, riding the "El" to work and back, and settling into life here. There is a lot to get used to. While grocery prices are good here in comparison to other densely populated metropolitan areas like New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles (I saw an article about it recently), they really do suck. I need to take a serious trip to Woodman's, but then I also do not have much storage space for the items I would purchase. My cupboard is full as it is from the stuff I had in my apartment cupboards! It would help if it would get cooler so I can really get to some cooking and get back into the swing of things in that arena after quite a bit of time without frequent cooking- well without any real cooking to speak of. It is going to take some time to get more settled because there are still three weeks of Kilties to go so I am not able to move stuff back and forth between Milwaukee and here like I might want. Hopefully I can get more organized and clear some stuff out of here once Kilties is over.

Blond Joke #2

Have to include my favorite one!!!

Puzzle Puzzles Blonde

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . .. . .. .

'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'

My birthday

Tomorrow is my birthday, the Big 3-0 as my mom called to point out. Thanks Mom! I guess if I am that old she is, well, older also so she might feel the pain too.

When Mom called I mentioned that I feel like turning 30 marks my crossing over point from being young to being old. She said that maybe a generation ago 30 was considered old, but now it is young. I guess this is true considering the life expectancy predicts I am likely to live another 40 years or so, thus I am not even half way through my life. But my peers and I looking back at our parents lives, see that by the time they were our age they were settled into adulthood- they had a career (or at least long term jobs), a spouse, children, and you know, a cohesive life. I wasn't there but that is how it seems. When my parents were my age, they had been married for eight years, had purchased a house and been living there for about five years, had each been at their jobs for eight or more years, and were two years away from having me... at which time they were 'old' parents. I wonder if they had any student loan debt left? =) Me? I have no job past Friday at this point, much less a career, I have a boyfriend (thank God for that or things might be bleak, right?), and I have a home for about 12 more days. Things are not good. My friend got laid off recently in LA, not completely unexpectedly and posted on her Facebook a quote from her pastor that things can only get better from here. I think things can definitely get worse. But I have hope that things will get better in the near future. Things are obviously going to go one way or the other because I am kinda balancing on a fence post and I can only stay up here so long before I either fall on solid land or fall into the lake and potentially drown. But I have had two interviews in the past week and hopefully another in the next week. Maybe one will net a local job offer. If so, I have been invited to seek housing with some friends here who are relocating.

Now birthdays tend to create problems for significant others who feel compelled to give gifts. My lovely boyfriend is no different. I guess he has given it thought, barked up some trees, and come up empty handed. Poor guy. He wanted to buy me some Cole Haan Shoes that I really liked, but he couldn't find them on the Internet and he is too lazy to go to Gurnee to get them for me. I say tough luck, dude! And he then asked me what he should get me... I gave some suggestions but he did not like any of them. Really, maybe he should think outside the box, hey? He has time on his hands, what could he do with the time he has on his hands that would be nice? I don't know. Buying gifts under pressure is hard! I feel it. I have a month before his birthday, maybe I should get started figuring out his birthday present. I have some ideas, but they will probably go over as well as the Christmas present which is likely in a box somewhere in his house and has never been used. The other half of the gift went well, though, so I can take solice in that.

Well. It is my birthday now. I am just going to try to enjoy it. Focus on the good things, the happy times in my life. Mom says the 30's are the best years, and Mom's always right, right?

Blond Joke #1

My mom suggested that I should start a collection of blond jokes. You know because I am blond, I guess. Hey why not? If they are funny, I will post them. Here is one she sent me today.

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
A contestant Sally, on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?'
Had reached the final plateau.

If she answered the next question correctly, she would win
$1,000,000.
If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000
Milestone money.

And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no
Pushover.

It was, 'Which of the following species of birds does not build
Its own
Nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is
It:

A) the condor

B) the buzzard

C) the cuckoo

D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot..... She did not know the answer.

She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience
Lifeline.....

All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.

She hoped she would not have to use it because........ Her
Friend was,
Well, a blonde.

But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her
The
Question and the four choices. The blonde responded
Unhesitatingly:

'That's easy.... The answer is C: the cuckoo.'

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.

She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any
Answer her.

Except the one that her friend had given
And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be
The
Logical t hing to do. But her friend had responded with such
Confidence,

Such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be
Convinced.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, 'C: The cuckoo.'

'Is that your final answer?'

'Yes, that is my final answer.'

'That answer is Absolutely correct!

You are now a millionaire!'

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family
And
Friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the
Million
Dollars.

'Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you, ' said the
Contestant.
'How did you happen to know the right answer?'

'Oh, come on,' said the blonde 'Everybody knows that cuckoos
Don't
Build nests. They live in clocks.'

Sally fainted

The weekend, plus some before

So Eric chided me about writing about the weekend so I guess I should get to it! But really I could probably go back a little further. So let's go back to Saturday the 16th. That morning I headed off to Chicago to pick up my parents. It rained their first day there so we stuck around and went to the Field Museum where we saw the Early America exhibit, Pirates, and the dinosaurs. Then we drove back to Milwaukee, saw a little of the city and ate at Trocadero. Sunday morning was Graduation, which was lovely though the speaker went on a bit. Then lots of pictures and off to Mader's for brunch. My parents are buffet brunch fans and I am a fan of going to buffets at restaurants that have food that I don't really know well, then you can get an understanding of what is what and what you like. Like the Indian restaurant: they have a great buffet with stuff I would probably not order off the menu but now I know that I like it so I can order it in the future... or just go to the buffet! Ryan, however, is not adventurous in food so it was amusing. Anyway, it was a good time. After a little digestion and changing time, the parents and I went to the Harley Davidson Museum which was pretty cool. I didn't know any of the history and of course seeing all the old bikes is interesting. We did attend a very horrible little talk about the bricks on the outside of the building. The content was good and I learned from it, but the presentation was deplorable. After our visit to the gift shop we drove around the city a little more and then went to Alterra at the Lake, which is pretty cool and the parents liked it. What is there not to like about it? It is in a cool building, has greenness outside, and a lake across the road. We ran into Brian and his family there, which I had a feeling we would though he lives in Whitefish Bay so there was really no reason to expect it (an example Ryan). After getting caffinated we came to my apartment and hung out for a while. My dad offered to help pack but I decided against it as I wasn't ready for it. Then Dad wanted something to eat so we went to California Pizza Kitchen where no one wanted to wait on us, which got comical after a while. But we finally ate and it was good. I took Mom and Dad back to their hotel and went to bed myself. On Monday I picked them up and we went to the Pabst mansion which was really a cool place. I recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it. It was perfect for my parents as it only took about an hour which was good for my dad and involved an old house which was good for my mom. It reminded my mom of one of the houses she grew up in. They are trying to refurbish the place which isn't easy and takes a lot of money. Especially since the Milwaukee Diocese bought the place and sold all the furnishings so they are trying to get them back or buy similar items. After our experience at Pabst we met Eric at Fugyama for half-price sushi lunch. There was a lot of sushi consumed and it was good. With full bellies all four of us got into my car and headed to the O'Hare. I think this was the heaviest my car has ever been with four big adults and a full trunk, but we made it just fine. On the way back Eric and I took a walk through Gurnee Mills and didn't find what we wanted so we stopped in Kenosha too. Then I was starving so we went to Olive Garden where I ate salad and breadsticks and three bites of my entree. Starving, I say. Wednesday Eric came grocery shopping with me and then I had my House Cooling Party which was fun and entertaining. People came, people left, people came, people told funny stories, we band geeked out, bonded over memories of Jars of Clay "Flood," and killed three bottles of wine, since that is all I had. I should have made margaritas.

I have been working on a grant funded project this semester so I got some work on that done and applied for a lot of jobs. Friday evening Eric and I made Pho for dinner which was fantastic, much better than I expected. Later we went to celebrate Guy's birthday at Buffalo Wild Wings and then back to Guy and Bridget's place for margaritas, Wii oddness, and drum corp videos. Saturday Eric and I actually made it to Kilties practice on time for once! I had a ton of clothes on by managed to take some of them off over the course of the day- yipee- and get started on my tan for the year. We had dinner at Infusino's with 17 other people! Crazy! On Sunday we did more practice which we made it to again on time... wow a streak! After practice we headed back to Milwaukee to rescue Eric's friend from a wedding at the Art Museum. Wish we could have gone to the wedding. We took her to Water Buffalo and talked for a while. Monday had us in Racine by 8:15 am... I am amazed. We marched in the parade- yay! I love a parade! We then went to the mall and walked around for a bit before we headed to Greg and Missie's party where we stayed for 10 hours! A lot of people graced that party and a lot of food was consumed. Games were played. It was a fun time with a bunch of fun people! Tuesday I pretty much stayed put to recover from the weekend- it was quite a lot of running around- outside for over ten hours three days in a row. Great time. And now I am back to the grind of finishing the grant work, and trying to find a job and a new place to live though I can stay here through the end of June.