Risk Taking

Wow!  What happens when you don't post anything for a really long time?  Things change and then it is hard to figure out even how to get to the place where you can post a blog.  Gee wiz.

So happy Mother's Day to the mothers!  Anika and I went to church, as we usually do on a Sunday morning.  The sermon this morning was not particularly mothery, to tell the truth, but it was, maybe, better than that.  The scripture was the story about Jesus walking on water.  It is interesting that we characterize the story in that way since the point of the story is not that Jesus walked on the water, but rather Peter's role in the event.  And Pastor Matt highlighted some interesting points about this story that resonated with me.  And, you know, made me feel guilty, as I often feel about stuff.  So, risk taking.  Peter took a risk by stepping out of that boat and onto the water.  Jesus told him to come and he came- he stepped out in faith and was willing to do so.  Sometimes taking a risk is a hard thing to do, sometimes not.  I bet a lot of people, based on my proclivity to move from place to place, might think that I am not risk averse.  That might be a double negative, whatevs.  Like Peter, I am not afraid to take the first step out of the boat, this is true.  But the story does not end there.  Peter is out on the water, he is walking- he is walking on water, people!  Then he hears, feels, thinks about the wind blowing and doubt creeps into his mind.  Then he starts to sink.  He calls to Jesus and Jesus pulls him out of the water and says, "Ye of little faith.  Why did you doubt?"  This happens to many people, and is the story of my life.  I am willing to go there, but once I get there it seems all wrong, I get scared, I want the security of the boat or solid ground under my feet.  And, you know, one risk seems to beget another risk.  I step out and I continue to have to take more steps, and it is hard.  So this resonated with me because of something that happened last night.  I had an opportunity to act in a way that characterizes the kind of person I would like to think that I am - a kind, giving person.  A difficulty I have found over the last several years is that sometimes people are not willing to accept kindness and the gifts that are offered to them.  For me this is difficult to handle because I experience it as rejection, and it hurts.  I try to remember that people probably do not mean it that way but that usually does not help.  There is one particular person in my life with whom I have struggled with this issue.  Last night I could have done for this person like this person has done for me by offering a particular kindness, but I was afraid of rejection.  I was afraid that if I offered, my "gift" would be swatted away, so doubt kept me from making the offer.  I felt bad once the opportunity passed last night, and I feel bad about it today.  Hopefully in the future I will remember: 1) that one step isn't enough, five steps might not be enough, I just have to keep moving forward; 2) that someone saying "No" is not a failure on my part; 3) words are easy to say, it is harder to act; 4) I just read this again in Blue Like Jazz- some people have a hard time accepting love, this doesn't mean I should stop loving them. 

As always, I hope to continue to improve as I move forward in life.  I wish everyone else positive progress as well!

Apppril

I guess I better get down to what appears to have become a monthly ritual! There is both a great deal and not very much going on. But that straddles that line between TMI and plain information. My last blog had me returning from my travels and it really seems like a blur of not very interesting stuff since then. We have had some good weather and some bad. Right now it is rainy and yucky. I am not opposed to rain in general, but for some reason I am not pleased with it today. I wanted to go running, grocery shopping, and transport some stuff to and from my storage unit today. None of these things are activities I feel like completing while contending with rain today. I should be cleaning up my desk, a task I have intended to complete for weeks now but have continued to put off. There are probably other things I could come up with to accomplish, but I feel kind of blah like the weather. Interesting things I have done lately... on Easter I went and helped at Tracee's church with an Easter meal they put on for those less fortunate. There were over 200 people in attendance and I was clearing tables of plates and trash as people finished. It was quite an undertaking. Then Tracee and I hosted some of her friends for Easter dinner which was lovely. I went to a concert at the Chicago Symphony Orchestra Symphony Hall last weekend. The concert was good, the chamber was beautiful, but I left feeling a little disappointed by the whole thing. There were about 50 people in the audience when the concert began and the whole thing was a little odd. On Friday I took some time off of work to take the train to Milwaukee for the Brewers vs Cubs game. My good friend Tiffany had organized a gathering of people along with one of her co-workers so there was a crowd of ... well I don't know, I thought I heard 22 but it didn't seem like that many of us. So I got up there and they picked me up from the train and we jetted over to get a good spot in the parking lot and we succeeded! We ate some yummy food and had a great time tailgating in the parking lot, grooving to some tunes and some played beer pong. I accidentally encountered a guy peeing in the parking lot which I disbelieved at first but I have been assured that it was indeed what was happening. I don't know that I actually watched much of the game. The Brewers were not playing well and I had not seen Tiffany in many moons, and while I had seen Ryan recently, there is always a lot to talk about! In any case, we had a fantastic time. Best time I have had in a very long time. Unfortunately we all did not weather the evening as well as we might have so we all had to go directly to bed after the game rather than painting the town blue and gold in continued jubilation. It was good to be back in Milwaukee in familiar places. I do miss all my friends up there and wish I had friends like them down here.

Things have been pretty rough over the last few months in multiple facets of life. Work has been pretty stressful for a number of reasons. There has been tension between my boss and others at his level, and while it has reduced quite a bit as it effects my boss, it is still extant. And there have certainly been some ups and downs in my personal life. But I think things are looking up as the weather heats up. I am looking forward to playing softball in a league beginning near the end of May. My parents are also coming to visit at the end of May so watch out Chicago! Also let's hope for good weather for their visit so I don't have to hear about it!

Love to all!

The weekend, plus some before

So Eric chided me about writing about the weekend so I guess I should get to it! But really I could probably go back a little further. So let's go back to Saturday the 16th. That morning I headed off to Chicago to pick up my parents. It rained their first day there so we stuck around and went to the Field Museum where we saw the Early America exhibit, Pirates, and the dinosaurs. Then we drove back to Milwaukee, saw a little of the city and ate at Trocadero. Sunday morning was Graduation, which was lovely though the speaker went on a bit. Then lots of pictures and off to Mader's for brunch. My parents are buffet brunch fans and I am a fan of going to buffets at restaurants that have food that I don't really know well, then you can get an understanding of what is what and what you like. Like the Indian restaurant: they have a great buffet with stuff I would probably not order off the menu but now I know that I like it so I can order it in the future... or just go to the buffet! Ryan, however, is not adventurous in food so it was amusing. Anyway, it was a good time. After a little digestion and changing time, the parents and I went to the Harley Davidson Museum which was pretty cool. I didn't know any of the history and of course seeing all the old bikes is interesting. We did attend a very horrible little talk about the bricks on the outside of the building. The content was good and I learned from it, but the presentation was deplorable. After our visit to the gift shop we drove around the city a little more and then went to Alterra at the Lake, which is pretty cool and the parents liked it. What is there not to like about it? It is in a cool building, has greenness outside, and a lake across the road. We ran into Brian and his family there, which I had a feeling we would though he lives in Whitefish Bay so there was really no reason to expect it (an example Ryan). After getting caffinated we came to my apartment and hung out for a while. My dad offered to help pack but I decided against it as I wasn't ready for it. Then Dad wanted something to eat so we went to California Pizza Kitchen where no one wanted to wait on us, which got comical after a while. But we finally ate and it was good. I took Mom and Dad back to their hotel and went to bed myself. On Monday I picked them up and we went to the Pabst mansion which was really a cool place. I recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it. It was perfect for my parents as it only took about an hour which was good for my dad and involved an old house which was good for my mom. It reminded my mom of one of the houses she grew up in. They are trying to refurbish the place which isn't easy and takes a lot of money. Especially since the Milwaukee Diocese bought the place and sold all the furnishings so they are trying to get them back or buy similar items. After our experience at Pabst we met Eric at Fugyama for half-price sushi lunch. There was a lot of sushi consumed and it was good. With full bellies all four of us got into my car and headed to the O'Hare. I think this was the heaviest my car has ever been with four big adults and a full trunk, but we made it just fine. On the way back Eric and I took a walk through Gurnee Mills and didn't find what we wanted so we stopped in Kenosha too. Then I was starving so we went to Olive Garden where I ate salad and breadsticks and three bites of my entree. Starving, I say. Wednesday Eric came grocery shopping with me and then I had my House Cooling Party which was fun and entertaining. People came, people left, people came, people told funny stories, we band geeked out, bonded over memories of Jars of Clay "Flood," and killed three bottles of wine, since that is all I had. I should have made margaritas.

I have been working on a grant funded project this semester so I got some work on that done and applied for a lot of jobs. Friday evening Eric and I made Pho for dinner which was fantastic, much better than I expected. Later we went to celebrate Guy's birthday at Buffalo Wild Wings and then back to Guy and Bridget's place for margaritas, Wii oddness, and drum corp videos. Saturday Eric and I actually made it to Kilties practice on time for once! I had a ton of clothes on by managed to take some of them off over the course of the day- yipee- and get started on my tan for the year. We had dinner at Infusino's with 17 other people! Crazy! On Sunday we did more practice which we made it to again on time... wow a streak! After practice we headed back to Milwaukee to rescue Eric's friend from a wedding at the Art Museum. Wish we could have gone to the wedding. We took her to Water Buffalo and talked for a while. Monday had us in Racine by 8:15 am... I am amazed. We marched in the parade- yay! I love a parade! We then went to the mall and walked around for a bit before we headed to Greg and Missie's party where we stayed for 10 hours! A lot of people graced that party and a lot of food was consumed. Games were played. It was a fun time with a bunch of fun people! Tuesday I pretty much stayed put to recover from the weekend- it was quite a lot of running around- outside for over ten hours three days in a row. Great time. And now I am back to the grind of finishing the grant work, and trying to find a job and a new place to live though I can stay here through the end of June.

Orange Creamcicle Margaritas are good

Not too many people comment on my blogs which sometimes makes me sad. But then I am made aware of the fact that people are in fact reading my blogs. What is odd is that males tend to read and comment via other than posted comments like calling me or mentioning something in conversation while females actually write comments. I will think on that further and come up with some kind of far reaching sociological explanation... or not. Anyway, Eric and Ryan sometimes read and make comments. But yesterday I got a phone call from the friend in Seattle.... he says I am in the good (I think I meant to write good graces but oh well you all got the gist... these mistakes are what happen when I go without an editor!) and that I made a wise choice. I was actually kind of shocked to get the phone call as I had not anticipated a phone call being generated by the post.

In other news, my ex called yesterday to tell me that all is going super fantastically well with he and his new girlfriend and they are "talking about things that people our age talk about when they are in a serious relationship." Two months people, they have been dating two months. It is never easy to hear that from your ex, no matter what. Ryan tried hard to talk me off the ledge ... they are of different religions they have to gauge if this is going to work at all... what will the wedding look like.. church or temple or outside or what? Wait, I know the answers to all those questions.

Amber and I just practiced some weapons. Baby steps in the weapon world for me.... those things are dangerous!!

Now I must grade some of my students' Methodology-s, write a program evaluation, and prepare the outline for my defense. Other people practiced their defense.... based on the lectures I have been to in the last month given by world renowned scholars, such preparation is not professional. ;)

Make Up Blog

Today I went to the gym and had a great workout. I kicked butt and got my butt kicked in equal measure, it was wonderful! I warmed up on the actual track that goes around the second floor of the gym, and then I went on the elliptical for 20 minutes on one of the interval programs. Fantastic. I thought my legs were going to fall off, and I do not like to go backwards, but it was good. Then I did my stretching and on to the weight machines. It really is a meat market in there and not too much fun. I am thinking about joining a gym with Eric out in Pewaukee. It seems foolish considering I can go to the UWM gym for free but I though it would be cool for us to do it together and might get both of us to go. Tomorrow is yoga at UWM at noon, but it is supposed to be super cold and I don’t really want to go out in all that craziness, we will see, maybe I will drive to save myself a few blocks of walking – hey, they say ten minutes out there can get you frostbite, who wants that?

Okay, so Tri-coastalism. The title is pretty simple, as it turns out. So I am from the Los Angeles area and I went to college in Miami—two coasts. There are apparently many people who commute from the West Coast to the East Coast and they call that bi-coastalism. Now I live near the coast of Lake Michigan -- third coast, hence Tri-coastalism.

Now for Eric: When I first mentioned doing a blog he was not so happy about the idea. He said lots of people simply use blogs to complain about petty stuff or talk about specific issues of some sort. I don’t know what the problem with the later is; I could easily turn this into a cooking blog, though I think there are many of those out there. But after reading what I have written he seems to be okay with it. He says I write about a lot of different interesting stuff. I hope that is the reality of the situation. I just want to write about stuff I am thinking about or stuff that happens to me. Learn to use the word stuff less. I don’t really have all that much to complain about per se. My life is pretty good. I think Eric was concerned that I was going to create drama with my blog or something, write about his deep, dark secrets. Ha! I don’t know all his deep, dark secrets yet. In that area there are other people who should be more worried. I just want to think more, be more thoughtful, and writing might help me achieve that goal.