Risk Taking

Wow!  What happens when you don't post anything for a really long time?  Things change and then it is hard to figure out even how to get to the place where you can post a blog.  Gee wiz.

So happy Mother's Day to the mothers!  Anika and I went to church, as we usually do on a Sunday morning.  The sermon this morning was not particularly mothery, to tell the truth, but it was, maybe, better than that.  The scripture was the story about Jesus walking on water.  It is interesting that we characterize the story in that way since the point of the story is not that Jesus walked on the water, but rather Peter's role in the event.  And Pastor Matt highlighted some interesting points about this story that resonated with me.  And, you know, made me feel guilty, as I often feel about stuff.  So, risk taking.  Peter took a risk by stepping out of that boat and onto the water.  Jesus told him to come and he came- he stepped out in faith and was willing to do so.  Sometimes taking a risk is a hard thing to do, sometimes not.  I bet a lot of people, based on my proclivity to move from place to place, might think that I am not risk averse.  That might be a double negative, whatevs.  Like Peter, I am not afraid to take the first step out of the boat, this is true.  But the story does not end there.  Peter is out on the water, he is walking- he is walking on water, people!  Then he hears, feels, thinks about the wind blowing and doubt creeps into his mind.  Then he starts to sink.  He calls to Jesus and Jesus pulls him out of the water and says, "Ye of little faith.  Why did you doubt?"  This happens to many people, and is the story of my life.  I am willing to go there, but once I get there it seems all wrong, I get scared, I want the security of the boat or solid ground under my feet.  And, you know, one risk seems to beget another risk.  I step out and I continue to have to take more steps, and it is hard.  So this resonated with me because of something that happened last night.  I had an opportunity to act in a way that characterizes the kind of person I would like to think that I am - a kind, giving person.  A difficulty I have found over the last several years is that sometimes people are not willing to accept kindness and the gifts that are offered to them.  For me this is difficult to handle because I experience it as rejection, and it hurts.  I try to remember that people probably do not mean it that way but that usually does not help.  There is one particular person in my life with whom I have struggled with this issue.  Last night I could have done for this person like this person has done for me by offering a particular kindness, but I was afraid of rejection.  I was afraid that if I offered, my "gift" would be swatted away, so doubt kept me from making the offer.  I felt bad once the opportunity passed last night, and I feel bad about it today.  Hopefully in the future I will remember: 1) that one step isn't enough, five steps might not be enough, I just have to keep moving forward; 2) that someone saying "No" is not a failure on my part; 3) words are easy to say, it is harder to act; 4) I just read this again in Blue Like Jazz- some people have a hard time accepting love, this doesn't mean I should stop loving them. 

As always, I hope to continue to improve as I move forward in life.  I wish everyone else positive progress as well!

The Clear Out Challenge

It has been a long time, yeah, yeah, yadda yadda. Maybe I will write something serious soon. Have been avoiding it as a lot of things seem to have been going wrong. Trying to move on to more positive things.

My roommate moved to Boston last week. She is working on a PhD in Psychology and has to do an internship and she got one at Harvard, or a hospital affiliated with Harvard. Point is she moved to Boston, she doesn't live here anymore and she left a lot of food. Obviously she couldn't take all the refrigerated and frozen stuff with her so I inherited it. Now I have to figure out what to do with it, and I have decided to embrace it as a challenge and write about what I do with her food. Additionally, I will probably be vacating this dwelling at the end of August so I need to clean out the kitchen as much as possible so I don't have to move too much stuff. Heaven knows the kitchen hardware I own is massive enough! This challenge sounds kinda pointless but amusing too. Getting rid of the roommates food shouldn't be too hard as she and I do have some overlapping food habits, but where we diverge it could get interesting. For example, she is a snacker and I am currently overwhelmed with the amount of snack food in the apartment because I had bought some things recently like vege chips and Ritz pretzel cracker things. Also, there are a lot of frozen vegetables, yikes. And soda. I never saw her drink much soda but there was always a few liters around, probably from or for parties. Now there are at least four partial liters.

Today was pretty much day one of eating any of her food. For breakfast I made a smoothie using some of her mango sorbet. For lunch I defrosted some of the pita triangles she had in the freezer and took them along with me to Montrose Harbor for my tanning session, with some red pepper hummus she left. Pita and hummus is certainly an overlap in our diets. For dinner I used some of her pasta sauce and pasta to make some sausage and penne concoction with some vege protein sausage I bought at Woodman's yesterday and some pasta sauce I had in the fridge. I also cooked some of the mixed frozen vegetables from the freezer. Ick. I think I will make a chicken pot pie to use the rest of those vegetables, I can't eat them straight. I had a glass of wine that she left too. Well that was today. We will see what happens tomorrow! I already made dinner and didn't use anything but my own stuff, maybe a side dish?

Eventually this might get more interesting as I go buy ten ingredients to get rid of one ingredient in a cupboard!! Or if I start making really odd things. I do have some condensed milk, pumpkin, and some coconut milk to get rid of so there is hope.

End of Februrary Life

Wow! I knew I fell off the side of the earth, but I didn't realize for how long! That illness I had left me 50% down for the count for over two weeks. It was bad news bears, as they say. But I managed to emerge from it, finally. I am trying to get my thesis proposal revised and done done by Friday, it has a long way to go.

I am not doing well on any of my goals for this year! I did get and cook something from the Joy of Cooking, and it was good. But you would think by this time I would have cooked more than one thing from there! Working has only been getting done by virtue of the fact that I have dance class twice a week, lost my ID so I have to walk to and from school, and we had Kilties. However, I have noticed that I was not as sore as I usually am after Kilties this month and I have better endurance on my walks to school (though this could be because I have to carry much less back and forth with my light course schedule) and in other activities as well. Need to work more formal exercise into my schedule. I have not been losing weight as a result of my lack of exercise and I blame some of it on Winter! I have, however, decided to go vegetarian for Lent. This occurred as a result of Eric chiding me when I proposed to give up other items that were less sacrificial like red meat or chocolate. At least this way I still get to eat chocolate. I have been doing okay with my hospitality resolution in small ways, like making food for small group meetings almost bi-week. Obviously I have not been as diligent with my work as I could have been. But progress is being made on the thesis process toward me graduating in May. We can all see my lack of achievement of the blog once a week goal. I will try harder, okay? =)

Other stuff I have been up to.... hmm. For Valentine's Day, Eric and I made fondue, which was fun as always. I applied for a job here in Milwaukee that hopefully could start after I graduate. I mention this because the application took many hours to complete! We had Kilties last weekend and it seemed that a number of people were cranky- boo to you people. I took Ryan out for his birthday and then we saw Pat McCurdy at Bar Louie this past Tuesday night , that was a night of a ton of fun. I enjoy Pat McCurdy a great deal because his shows involve audience participation.

Okay I am going back to writing now!