Blond Joke - what's today?

T-G-I-F vs.S-H-I-T

A businessman got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blond already inside who greeted him with a bright,
"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied,
"S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated,
"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered,
"S-H-I-T."

The blond was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God,It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered,
"'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh."

Don't look at me!!

I have been meaning to update my resolutions with one that has to do with taking more interest in what I look like when I leave my apartment. I often leave in odd ensembles, especially in the winter when I just want to be warm without concern for color combination. To this end I installed a full length mirror in the apartment so I can easily assess my look before departure. There were several reasons for me wanting to make this resolution. First, I sometimes get to work, go to the restroom and find that I am looking a bit odd. Like the top and the bottom do not go together like I thought they did. Or like the picture I took of Eric and I before Christmas. I thought I was rocking a great outfit but, as it turned out, I was looking a little frumpy. Second, leaving knowing you look good is a good boost to the self-esteem, and I can certainly use that boost. Third, you never know who you will run into.

So today all of these came into play. The "to do" list for this morning was: go to the gym and get an estimate on my car for front end damage. I knew it was not really a great idea to combine the two, but hey! I have things to do! So I went to the gym, as I was preparing I looked in the mirror and noticed I had some heavy circles under the eyes, ah yes raccoon eyes. I need more sleep. But what was I to do at that point? So I did my workout, washed my face, threw on outerwear and headed to the estimate place. Of course I get there and the guy doing my estimate is cute. And then another guy in the waiting room starts to talk to me.

The next resolution will have to be about better communication skills, but that is too much at this point.

It is a new year

So I obviously haven't written for a while. This is because I have been mostly thinking about troubles with work and with Eric over the past months and neither subject is a good one for this blog. But it is again a new year and this, as last year, gives me pause to think about the past and look into the future. I don't really like the person I am right now, so I need to plan a way to become a person who I am more comfortable with. This isn't so easy and I think it is going to take more work than can be elaborated right now. In any case, let's revisit last years goals one last time:
1) Exercise more (3 times a week or more) and lose about 20 pounds so that I comply with the darn BMI for being normal.
2) Be more diligent with my work.
3) Finish my thesis and graduate with my Masters in May.
4) Last year I had a "hospitality" resolution that went okay, but I want to continue with that pursuit.
5) Buy "The Joy of Cooking" and do something with it.
6) For some reason I wanted to start blogging. I do not know why but was able to come up with some reasons for not:
a) I will probably get myself in trouble
b) I will probably offend people
c) I should be working on my thesis instead
d) will I really be able to come up with anything to write about?
but, I guess I will give it a shot and aim to post at least once a week.

1) I did okay sometimes and not okay other times. Moving to Chicago has not been good for my physically. Even though I was running quite a bit for a while, my sedentary job, depression, and good food (I guess) have led to some weight gain. However, I had been the same clothing size since I was a junior in high school, so I guess going up one clothing size in 13 years isn't too bad. But I can stand to lose the weight so I need to do that. This one is going to carry over to 2010.
2) I have done okay with diligence about work. It is helpful to have a job with deadlines that must be met and productivity monitoring programs (monitoring workflow and production is 40% of my job). I could still use a kick in the pants now and then in my personal life to get stuff done, but we will give this one a check.
3) Check.
4) Check.
5) Sort of check. I have not been all that impressed.
6) Laughable. But I did post 28 times in 52 weeks, it could have been worse.

Okay, so this year:
1) Lose the weight!
a) Increase activity by taking walks during breaks - I get to 15 minute breaks, I should get up from my desk and move around during them. I have been doing okay at this since the beginning of the year. I feel like an idiot walking in circles around the food court. But I will feel great in a bikini this summer.
b) Increase activity by joining a gym, taking dance or yoga classes, etc. I am working on finding what will work best for me. And I have two bar method classes to take. Hot Yoga and the YMCA seem to be in my future.
c) Eat better! Increase consumption of soup! Drink plenty of water. Eat more vegetables and fruits.
2) Get back on top of my money. I was super on top of my money when I lived in Lancaster- it was crazy. I went to see my financial advisor and he was wowed. He said, "and you are still single? How can you still be single?" I often ask myself the same question. I must be nuts. Anyway, I just kind of let the finances go in grad school since I was living in the red anyway, why look at the red every month? School was enough stress without sweating every cent in the red I was... though I did sweat my dwindling Mutual Funds until I went paperless. Now I ought not to be living in the red, the mutual funds have rebounded, I need to save for the next round of graduate school and the time I am likely to be unemployed before I return to graduate school. A planned unemployment that I hope to fill with some travel. So I need to slim down the expenses and amp up the savings. I do not really understand the concept of budgeting- I know what it means, I know what a budget looks like, but making it work is beyond me, so maybe I could figure that out somehow.
3) Have more fun! I can't remember the last time I had fun, the last time I was able to honestly say, "I had a great time." It sucks and it will change.
4) See Chicago! I have been living here since August and I have been almost no where. There is no excuse. The question is where to start?
5) Get an Illinois Driver's License and a Chicago library card
6) Study for and take the GRE this spring, apply to graduate school beginning the process in August
7) Find a new hobby. This one is going to be the most difficult, I predict.
8) Improve relationships. Make new friends. Possibly scale off some toxic relationships.
9) Take steps to be more happy. I think each of the above are some of the necessary steps.

That is what I have so far. An ambitious but attainable list.

BIue notes over the skyline.

I have nothing nice to say today, but I figure I ought to say something on here every once in a while. I have been in a funk for a while now and you know the saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I try to apply that sentiment in my life. But sometimes I think I need to say good things, or try to say good things, to remind myself that there are good things. And really it is approaching Thanksgiving so I should give thanks for things, not be super bitter and unhappy like I have been. Today I was thinking, "Things are not going well in a single area of my life." This thought was immediately followed by, "That cannot be the case, things have to be going fine in at least one area of your life." So I thought a little and it is true, I have my health, and good health, as far as I know. I have a job, a place to live, more clothes than a person ought to own and a closet that fits all of them. I have friends and family, though spread out all over the place, who love me and care about me (thanks for the reminder Greg!). I am thankful for all of these things. But when does my life move beyond that? I have got to be doing something wrong. I need some inspiration. Maybe I will go see that Sandra Bullock movie The Blind Side. It looks like it might be inspirational. I don't know, whatever, I'll figure it out. Or the answer will become clear or something.

Today and Money

This morning I took my car to the mechanic for service. It was a trip that was very much overdue and I knew it was going to involve a bill that was painful to pay. The check engine light has been on, it has been off, it has been on and blinking, the car has made unpleasant noises and it has shaken. Poor car has not been treated so well over the past eight months and it needs to brace for its first winter outdoors. So the car has a shorted ignition coil and needs the 80,000 mile twice over. And it is going to cost some money. So that sucks. This after I had figured out last night how to make it through the next month or so based on my income given the small amount of debt I have incurred recently. Living in Chicago has turned out to be even more expensive than I anticipated. I am glad that I have a roommate because it means reduced rent, but it also means I have to pay for storage for the stuff that won't fit in the apartment. And, sheesh, public transportation is not cheap. I guess considering what it would cost to drive to the city and park, it is probably not bad. But in compared to previous costs and given I am paying for a car that I am not using but on the weekends yet am required to have available for work.... it hurts the budget. So I was thinking about how I am going to balance the budget, give up clothes needed to be appropriately dressed for work, sleep through work instead of getting schwanky coffee, I think the most likely is less eating out. Probably better than that is a combination.

So all this was on my mind as I was walking home. So this kid was on the phone walking behind me. It sounded like he was on the phone with his mom and he was telling her that his wallet got stolen on the train. He had gotten up to let a woman get past him, he said and "a guy bumped into him once and everything was gone." He had called everyone he could think of, including his father who was out of town and it was going to cost at least $10 to get home and he didn't know what to do. Neither did his mom, apparently. So I was thinking, hum, I have $24 in my wallet but he needs $10. I was going to use that money for laundry. I wonder how he was planning to get home. By the time I considered that I should give him some money, he was gone. What a terrible person I am! Hopefully he got home okay.

Friends =P

Recently I got into a ... well I don't know what to call it.. conflict, tiff, time of discontent with a friend with whom I have been very close over the years. It has been a relationship that has been more tumultuous than any other relationship than I have ever been in, but also one that has spanned a time of great change in my life. This person has hurt me more than any other but has also exposed me to some of the great joys in life. While our relationship began in close proximity to one another, there have also been distances between us in the course of our relationship which have not really been a problem. Until recently I referred to this person as my best friend without too much thought.

The most recent episode occurred at the beginning of September as I had been having trouble getting off work to go to New York for finals with Kilties which was a big problem because I had committed to do an I & E performance which was to occur on Friday evening and without time off there was no way I could get there in time. I finally got approval for the day off and thought I should share this news with my best friend. To paraphrase the response I got back: I know this might seem cranky, but as a person who has been trying hard to find a job with no luck for some time I hope you are happy that you were able to pressure your new employer into letting you have the day off even thought they didn't want to. I was really offended by this response. It was as though he was saying I had flawed character to ask for a day off to live up to a previous obligation. I was not happy. The whole ordeal of getting the day off had been very stressful for me and I had been losing sleep. I just couldn't deal with the condemnation at that time. In addition to having no good response. I mean this came from a person who encouraged me to take days off of work not infrequently previously and helped contribute to me not being at work for three consecutive Fridays in May one year!! So I also did not know where this was coming from. So I kinda pushed it aside and didn't deal with it. I got a voice mail that day, I believe, that was silly, and I was angry and hurt and felt it completely inappropriate and it made me more mad so of course I didn't respond. Then there was another voicemail, I believe. Then I got a call that I answered but the connection wasn't made and I didn't call back. So this friend of mine obviously knew I was upset and therefore was angry at me for being a fair weather friend in the situation- says I only wanted agreement and didn't want to hear dissent. It's not like the period of no contact was any longer than other periods of just not being in contact. It is not like it has not been the case that we have both been busy and have just not made contact for several weeks. But obviously there was purpose behind this silence. So finally contact was made and as it turns out the circumstances surrounding me needing the time off was not fully clear so condemnation might have been misplaced, and at the same time my friend had needed me becasue unpleasant, or big or something had happened. Once contact was made we got together for lunch where unpleasant descriptors were used in reference to me. Like that fair-weather friend comment. I was also told I am selfish and that I need to realize that I am not the only person on earth. I think I am pretty aware of that. I still don't know all of what is happening in the life of this person. All I was told was that a bad decision might have been made, I am not sure if this is an objectively bad decision or a decision I would deem bad. I would like to say they would be one and the same but you know in this case getting engaged might be an objectively good decision by other people's judgement but bad by mine. Then there are some other possible things that might have happened that were alluded to, but I just can't imagine that those are the case. Anyway there were statements made about me considering this person a low tier friend while they consider me an upper tier friend. There is no way to explain this relationship to someone else... but suffice it to say that I really treasure this person. We have so much history, so many good times, so many bad times in each of our lives that we have helped each other through, so many changes, moves, wins and losses. And a lot of Mexican food. This person knows more about me than anyone. I feel very bad that I hurt this person and wish that both of us could get better at communicating so that we are able to talk about these difficult decisions, choices, and parts of life without being hurtful to one another.

Now the problem is that we are in limbo. My best friend who knows so much about me and has a great deal of wisdom about life isn't talking to me about life and particularly not their life. Not good. I want to be there for them just like I want to talk about my life with them. There is stuff that I need to talk out but there is no one to talk to. Which has brought me to the realization (again) that it is very hard to find good friends. Especially as we get older there is a great deal of life that one has to meld with another to make a good friendship. And not all friends can act as a good sounding board and problem solver. Right now I absolutely have some yes friends- those who will agree with me pretty much no matter what I say, I have several friends who really would have nothing to say about some of my issues that I am trying to work through, and other friends I can't talk to about stuff because it would not be held in confidence or I couldn't handle the judgement or them knowing what is going on. I guess that last relegates those people to not really being my friends. That is what happens when you move around as much as I have... it is hard to find a few friends to share life with. However I fear that this is a difficulty for many regardless of mobility.

Okay, now I am in a proper mood to eat myself into fat and sugar enduced coma!! Awesome!! Here I come Heart Attacular Spectakular!!

Checking up, trying not to check out

So, it is the ninth month of the year, a year that has actually seen a great deal of action, if I am being objective. I figure this is a good time to look back at my New Year's goals and see how I am doing. This is what they were:

1) Exercise more (3 times a week or more) and lose about 20 pounds so that I comply with the darn BMI for being normal.
2) Be more diligent with my work.
3) Finish my thesis and graduate with my Masters in May.
4) Last year I had a "hospitality" resolution that went okay, but I want to continue with that pursuit.
5) Buy "The Joy of Cooking" and do something with it.
6) For some reason I wanted to start blogging. I do not know why but was able to come up with some reasons for not:
a) I will probably get myself in trouble
b) I will probably offend people
c) I should be working on my thesis instead
d) will I really be able to come up with anything to write about?
but, I guess I will give it a shot and aim to post at least once a week.

1) Really who knows?!! Over the course of the year I have done well and not so well with this goal. Mostly not so good. I think at this point I am exercising three times a week or more. I think in the last few weeks I have lost some weight. For a while, say July and August, I was pretty much eating out more than I was eating in as there was no refrigerator or stove at Eric's. Then I wasn't settled in yet here in Chicago so I wasn't cooking too much. But now I am back on the cooking band wagon so my food is more controlled in terms of portion sizes and nutritional content. My walk to and from the train for work is also helpful as well as the fact that I am walking a great deal at work over the last couple of weeks as a result of the work I am doing which requires me to get work out of a cabinet, work on it at my desk, make a copy, file in it in a file drawer, and the copy machine and file cabinets are not very close to my desk so I estimate I am walking at least two miles a day in the office. I do not, however, think I am close to having lost 20 pounds. As winter approaches, I am going to have to join a gym. I am thinking of the YMCA because there is one a couple stops before I get home that I could stop at on my way home. Other ideas include taking some dance classes as having paid for something, being expected to attend, and being told what to do when there does wonders for getting me there over having paid for a membership and having to be self directed.
2) Ha, I think this is a life goal. I am still working on it. However I am proud to say I have made some good progress over the last two weeks in getting my room in order. The pile of stuff on my desk has been reduced by at least 2/3 and just about anyone can navigate through my room. Now I just need some time and some help to get stuff on the walls. I think what I meant by diligence with my work was more my school work and teaching. I think I did pretty well in making that all happen.
3) DONE! Achieved that one!
4) I think I am doing pretty well with this one. I have had people over several times for dinner since I moved in and will probably continue to do so.
5) DONE! I bought the book and I have been making stuff out of it. Forgot this one was on the list. I should probably do more with it. I made some chicken curry this week that was based on two recipes in the book. I don't really like the format of the recipes and that there are no pictures, but there is a lot of good information in there that I should take better advantage of in the near future.
6) Blogging has not gone so well, on the whole. I have tried my best to stay out of trouble but to speak the truth as I know it. I haven't gotten in much trouble, but I also have done a great deal of censorship, which has several times led to a whole post not getting posted. Sucks. I'll try to do better.